Manami Sangaku & Teshima Junta, Yowamushi Pedal Tags: Alluded to gore/evisceration, a bit of body horror, supernatural based, vague events referred to without actually showing things going on because trying to avoid making this fill too long for its own good, i dont know how ship this is its just. There it go. Word count: 2260
The stack of paperwork in the attic had been growing on its own.
Manami hadn't given it much thought at first. Given any coming apocalypse, there were bound to be things that slipped past their notice. It was the first one they'd been assigned, after all. For a few hundred years of existence, and only a few comparative worlds, details were hard to keep in mind.
The lights and entrails strung up around them beginning to shift didn't bother them too much. Though there was a particular atmosphere Manami enjoyed to the room, they didn't stay long enough to remember how things had been before they left it. And if Teshima came in to try to rip things down, it only made sense that the attic would never look quite the same.
They didn't keep track of how often Teshima managed to drag himself out of any given grave and back to his unfortunate lodgings, but it happened often enough that there were lights on at least six months out of the year.
More notices would come in the mail, from above, from below, and from various unspecified organizations, and they would allow them to shuffle up the stairs to make their way to familiar sights. It was only when they noticed black ichor dripping down the stairs that Manami felt it had, perhaps, gone a little too far.
"Have you seen the attic recently?"
A while ago, Teshima had apparently had his skull stolen. There weren't pictures. He'd made plenty jokes about hot air keeping him together, despite the way he kept touching his own face. It would have been a little funny to see. Better than hearing more self-depreciating humor from him, at least. This week, it was half of his fingers, assorted between both hands.
"I'm a little busy," he said.
On the table, he had a mess of fabric, skin, and dried leather - wire and toothpicks, cement glue and a hot iron.
"Oh. Did you take my advice?"
He sighed.
"It's a good idea," Manami said. "Whenever I'm missing feathers, there are always things laying around that work just as well. It's not like you really need all the parts as long as you're still alive."
"I wouldn't really call this living, but sure." He cursed over the heat to his palm, melting glue and skin together. They were a little surprised if he could still feel any of it. And a little jealous. "Did you hear? Apparently finger bones are all the rage right now with the health goth crew. Lucky charms or something, like they've ever done anything good for me. Witches are crawling over themselves for a few to hang from their ears."
"You could probably replace it with some possum bones. They've been getting bigger lately! One stole the trash can last week."
Teshima paused. "You mean the one you made a portal to hell."
"Yeah," they said.
He picked up a file and started sanding away excess glue. "Okay," he said. "Sure. I see you're making good progress on ending the world."
They shrugged.
The ceiling fan wobbled above with a series of progressive thumps. Dust fell from the ceiling, peppering Teshima's hair, and he gave in.
"What's wrong with the attic."
By the time the two of them checked, it had already escaped out the window. All it left behind was an acidic trail of ink and the marked lack of Teshima's organs.
"Apocalypse seems to be going super well," he muttered.
Manami shrugged.
All things considered.
It seemed like a bit of a waste.
---
"What do you mean you lost them," Miyahara said. Her department wasn't too great with phones, static overwhelming her sharp voice. "I sent you those files because I had hoped you would be able to finish up before the four Kings were sent out. We won't be able to get anywhere without approved credentials."
"There's a lot to take care of, rep!" Manami held the phone back to keep the sparks of plasma oozing out away. Though the burns didn't cause lasting damage, if they could avoid having to reissue their glamour, they'd do it. "And I just sort of ... forgot? Sorry."
"You forgot."
Weak laughter was the most they could manage.
"And tell me how you managed to forget where they were."
"Oh, I didn't forget that!" they said. "The papers just snuck out while I wasn't looking. Right out the window!"
Sometimes, humans would say that dogs had eaten their homework. That made about as much sense as papers coming alive and escaping in grotesque agony - all of the sense in the world, in fact.
"Then get it back."
"I think that might be a little impossible at this point."
"I can't simply reprint all that paperwork, Sangaku. I realize you've gotten used to human amenities, but those aren't approved for my office yet. Do you know what a type writer is?"
"Uh ... yes."
"Do you know how long it takes to hand-type and individually place three thousand, nine hundred and forty-six papers, without error or typo at that?"
Manami hung up the phone, after a precise explanation, cutting into the discussion about premium ink costs and blessings that allowed her to get the proper kind through the door.
"So," Teshima said.
They tried to ignore him.
"Impossible, huh?"
It didn't work as well as it used to. They said, "I heard that bird seers are on the lookout for undead eyes lately."
---
Despite their best efforts, he still followed.
If it was closer to the end, they could have simply flown away. Unfortunately, they were too behind on paperwork for that.
---
Teshima lived on leylines, of a sort.
From what they knew, due to his non-stop running mouth, it had apparently taken a lot of research to even find it. Someone so "normal" would never have the chance.
He wasn't normal anymore, after a little incident with falling through the door in the basement.
Last Manami checked, it didn't have much of a bottom.
A guardian angel took pity on his infinite torment, at some point, and killed him.
And despite all common sense, he'd dragged himself back up to his domicile and ground his feet.
"This is my house," he said. "I bought it. I spent too many years on this to give up on it now."
"Do you have the deed?" Manami asked.
He stammered and they managed to pull it out of their shirt, from between feathers and dozens of irritating bindings.
It was a little unfortunate to try to buy the very spot where the world was supposed to crack open and herald the beginning of the end, but Teshima decided to make the best of it.
"We'll call it a rental," he said.
"What's that," Manami said.
So Teshima came back there after every time another bounty hunter or well-meaning priest or mischievous witch found him along all the powers in the area, and Manami learned to use the stove and improved their interior decorating skills.
After a dozen helpful hints that it would benefit him more to leave - and another dozen harmful hints that he'd be better off anywhere else, torn arms, shattered bones, and miserable kidnappings from all sides - Teshima was still there.
"It's not like I have to worry about it too much longer," he said one night, after having slipped off the roof again. "End of the world's just around the corner. Why give up now?"
"I'm glad you're so dedicated," they'd said, with a friendly wave.
Manami couldn't tell if he was looking forward to it or not.
---
Manami didn't make many lists. They weren't much one for saving things or marking them down. But if asked, there were strong contenders for things they liked about being on Earth.
1) Mountains - the afterlife was, for the most part, far too plain. Though the underworld had more interesting scenery, it also fell into more downs than proper ups, and summits were hard to find.
2) Chestnuts - Lacking a physical body didn't make it completely impossible to enjoy food, but humans had managed to make chestnut a part of so many foods that - if Manami so chose - they would never have to eat anything without. Teshima seemed to have a growing dread at the dinners they managed to work them into, but it was all good. All of it. No one could tell Manami anything different.
3) Pain - Lacking a physical body did make the addition of most sensation absolutely impossible. Though their body didn't hold onto pain well, it was a normal part of every day efforts. Smashing a toe had never been so personally satisfying a problem.
But most importantly -
"No bikes?" Teshima said. "I thought it was supposed to be a paradise."
Manami sighed. "You humans really have it all."
---
The underworld didn't look much better than the last time Manami had visited.
Though the last time, they'd chosen to be there.
The rivers and icy fires weren't as tantalizing when the thought of failure was settling into their gut.
No signal on their phone. Manami pursed their lips. No calling Miyahara to handle bureaucracy. They dropped it with their unraveling hands. The witch's spells were burning through their glamour, tearing apart skin as much as it kept them bound below.
"I can't have you ruining things up here just yet!" Right as they'd come upon finding that mess of paperwork. "Mind taking a nap for a few more years?"
Arms and legs and eyes and knives.
Their flesh was prickled armor, breathing upon itself, flickering pupils beneath every new gap. It was light and dozens more fingers, legs, their head spinning out till it was little more than a wheel.
Normally they'd take her up on that offer. But Manami was a little tired of sleeping in.
There were options. A dozen. Finding any number of demons below. There were ways of charming answers out of people, and more for tearing them out. It wasn't often that heralds got stuck anywhere. For good reason, burning wildly out of control.
And of course, Teshima was - they laughed. It wasn't like they hadn't warned him about witches. How much more he'd blame on their presence, and the rivers were boiling.
Except.
There was a little blue dot in the distance.
"I hate that thing."
A tiny demon, wearing fake toy horns, peeked out from behind a rock.
"Every time I stick out my head, this big bug starts clawing at my head." It sniffled. "Every time I tell the boss, he tells me that there's no bug guarding any entry down here. All that paperwork says so."
Manami blinked.
"Hey!"
Miserable fool-hardy decisions.
The sort that only someone who wanted to suffer would make.
"Plan on getting out of here any time soon?" Teshima's feet were halfway through the portal, awkwardly hanging on with one hand. "It's not as fun as you might think to shove your head down a possum's mouth, and I'd rather not have to lose my other arm so quickly."
---
"A protected species."
"Yeah," Manami said. "I can't do the paperwork without killing it, and killing it is super illegal, rep. I know you'd hate me to break that rule."
"It's endangered," she said, deadpan and disbelieving.
"The only one of its kind! I'm shocked too."
"How did this happen, again?"
"Witches," Manami said.
"Of course. I guess. I'll start on new paperwork," she muttered.
"Sorry," they said. "Can't you get someone else to do it? I know a few people who might owe a favor."
"Send them up. Anything would help at this point."
Manami hung up, content for the moment. Kanzaki seemed to know some good people. Even if she wasn't very interested in helping along the end of the world, she'd probably get along with Miyahara. To a degree.
Teshima was still leaning over their shoulder, glancing from the phone, to them. They hadn't managed to find his proper arm yet, roving possum a little more difficult to track down than the living monster of paperwork, but he'd found another one floating around. He was lucky that way.
"So it's on hold."
"Yeah," Manami said. "Too bad, huh?"
"Got my hopes up for nothing," he muttered.
Witches had a way of mucking up the system. And normal people too, they supposed. Manami wasn't very good with being an angel. They were a little too attached to Earth for that.
"Don't worry! Just a few hundred more years, and we'll be out the door before you know it." They grinned. "Maybe you can finally pay off the mortgage on that house and get the deed? Might be a little tight, though."
Teshima snorted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"My pleasure."
"Do you think Kanzaki could magic my guts out of the papers?"
"I think the papers already merged with them. Who could have figured you had a compatible blood type with them? Quite the achievement, Teshima."
He ground his one working hand into his face. "You know me. Over achiever."
"We could always fashion some new ones for you. There are all kinds of witches in the world. Oh, you could even use bicycle framing for a new system! And if you'd like, I could hold onto your ribs while you clean yourself up!"
Genuine as they were, he still stared. "Good idea." Genuine as he was, they still raised an eyebrow. Teshima faked something like a laugh. "I'll figure it out later. Got a few years, after all. It isn't like you'll be out any time soon." They jumped three meters when he jabbed them in the gut. "Long as you keep your word anyway."
Mouth covered, Manami hovered there, and smiled from behind their hands. "As much as you do."
Fill: Team Grandstand, T
Tags: Alluded to gore/evisceration, a bit of body horror, supernatural based, vague events referred to without actually showing things going on because trying to avoid making this fill too long for its own good, i dont know how ship this is its just. There it go.
Word count: 2260
Remix of
The stack of paperwork in the attic had been growing on its own.
Manami hadn't given it much thought at first. Given any coming apocalypse, there were bound to be things that slipped past their notice. It was the first one they'd been assigned, after all. For a few hundred years of existence, and only a few comparative worlds, details were hard to keep in mind.
The lights and entrails strung up around them beginning to shift didn't bother them too much. Though there was a particular atmosphere Manami enjoyed to the room, they didn't stay long enough to remember how things had been before they left it. And if Teshima came in to try to rip things down, it only made sense that the attic would never look quite the same.
They didn't keep track of how often Teshima managed to drag himself out of any given grave and back to his unfortunate lodgings, but it happened often enough that there were lights on at least six months out of the year.
More notices would come in the mail, from above, from below, and from various unspecified organizations, and they would allow them to shuffle up the stairs to make their way to familiar sights. It was only when they noticed black ichor dripping down the stairs that Manami felt it had, perhaps, gone a little too far.
"Have you seen the attic recently?"
A while ago, Teshima had apparently had his skull stolen. There weren't pictures. He'd made plenty jokes about hot air keeping him together, despite the way he kept touching his own face. It would have been a little funny to see. Better than hearing more self-depreciating humor from him, at least. This week, it was half of his fingers, assorted between both hands.
"I'm a little busy," he said.
On the table, he had a mess of fabric, skin, and dried leather - wire and toothpicks, cement glue and a hot iron.
"Oh. Did you take my advice?"
He sighed.
"It's a good idea," Manami said. "Whenever I'm missing feathers, there are always things laying around that work just as well. It's not like you really need all the parts as long as you're still alive."
"I wouldn't really call this living, but sure." He cursed over the heat to his palm, melting glue and skin together. They were a little surprised if he could still feel any of it. And a little jealous. "Did you hear? Apparently finger bones are all the rage right now with the health goth crew. Lucky charms or something, like they've ever done anything good for me. Witches are crawling over themselves for a few to hang from their ears."
"You could probably replace it with some possum bones. They've been getting bigger lately! One stole the trash can last week."
Teshima paused. "You mean the one you made a portal to hell."
"Yeah," they said.
He picked up a file and started sanding away excess glue. "Okay," he said. "Sure. I see you're making good progress on ending the world."
They shrugged.
The ceiling fan wobbled above with a series of progressive thumps. Dust fell from the ceiling, peppering Teshima's hair, and he gave in.
"What's wrong with the attic."
By the time the two of them checked, it had already escaped out the window. All it left behind was an acidic trail of ink and the marked lack of Teshima's organs.
"Apocalypse seems to be going super well," he muttered.
Manami shrugged.
All things considered.
It seemed like a bit of a waste.
---
"What do you mean you lost them," Miyahara said. Her department wasn't too great with phones, static overwhelming her sharp voice. "I sent you those files because I had hoped you would be able to finish up before the four Kings were sent out. We won't be able to get anywhere without approved credentials."
"There's a lot to take care of, rep!" Manami held the phone back to keep the sparks of plasma oozing out away. Though the burns didn't cause lasting damage, if they could avoid having to reissue their glamour, they'd do it. "And I just sort of ... forgot? Sorry."
"You forgot."
Weak laughter was the most they could manage.
"And tell me how you managed to forget where they were."
"Oh, I didn't forget that!" they said. "The papers just snuck out while I wasn't looking. Right out the window!"
Sometimes, humans would say that dogs had eaten their homework. That made about as much sense as papers coming alive and escaping in grotesque agony - all of the sense in the world, in fact.
"Then get it back."
"I think that might be a little impossible at this point."
"I can't simply reprint all that paperwork, Sangaku. I realize you've gotten used to human amenities, but those aren't approved for my office yet. Do you know what a type writer is?"
"Uh ... yes."
"Do you know how long it takes to hand-type and individually place three thousand, nine hundred and forty-six papers, without error or typo at that?"
Manami hung up the phone, after a precise explanation, cutting into the discussion about premium ink costs and blessings that allowed her to get the proper kind through the door.
"So," Teshima said.
They tried to ignore him.
"Impossible, huh?"
It didn't work as well as it used to. They said, "I heard that bird seers are on the lookout for undead eyes lately."
---
Despite their best efforts, he still followed.
If it was closer to the end, they could have simply flown away. Unfortunately, they were too behind on paperwork for that.
---
Teshima lived on leylines, of a sort.
From what they knew, due to his non-stop running mouth, it had apparently taken a lot of research to even find it. Someone so "normal" would never have the chance.
He wasn't normal anymore, after a little incident with falling through the door in the basement.
Last Manami checked, it didn't have much of a bottom.
A guardian angel took pity on his infinite torment, at some point, and killed him.
And despite all common sense, he'd dragged himself back up to his domicile and ground his feet.
"This is my house," he said. "I bought it. I spent too many years on this to give up on it now."
"Do you have the deed?" Manami asked.
He stammered and they managed to pull it out of their shirt, from between feathers and dozens of irritating bindings.
It was a little unfortunate to try to buy the very spot where the world was supposed to crack open and herald the beginning of the end, but Teshima decided to make the best of it.
"We'll call it a rental," he said.
"What's that," Manami said.
So Teshima came back there after every time another bounty hunter or well-meaning priest or mischievous witch found him along all the powers in the area, and Manami learned to use the stove and improved their interior decorating skills.
After a dozen helpful hints that it would benefit him more to leave - and another dozen harmful hints that he'd be better off anywhere else, torn arms, shattered bones, and miserable kidnappings from all sides - Teshima was still there.
"It's not like I have to worry about it too much longer," he said one night, after having slipped off the roof again. "End of the world's just around the corner. Why give up now?"
"I'm glad you're so dedicated," they'd said, with a friendly wave.
Manami couldn't tell if he was looking forward to it or not.
---
Manami didn't make many lists. They weren't much one for saving things or marking them down. But if asked, there were strong contenders for things they liked about being on Earth.
1) Mountains - the afterlife was, for the most part, far too plain. Though the underworld had more interesting scenery, it also fell into more downs than proper ups, and summits were hard to find.
2) Chestnuts - Lacking a physical body didn't make it completely impossible to enjoy food, but humans had managed to make chestnut a part of so many foods that - if Manami so chose - they would never have to eat anything without. Teshima seemed to have a growing dread at the dinners they managed to work them into, but it was all good. All of it. No one could tell Manami anything different.
3) Pain - Lacking a physical body did make the addition of most sensation absolutely impossible. Though their body didn't hold onto pain well, it was a normal part of every day efforts. Smashing a toe had never been so personally satisfying a problem.
But most importantly -
"No bikes?" Teshima said. "I thought it was supposed to be a paradise."
Manami sighed. "You humans really have it all."
---
The underworld didn't look much better than the last time Manami had visited.
Though the last time, they'd chosen to be there.
The rivers and icy fires weren't as tantalizing when the thought of failure was settling into their gut.
No signal on their phone. Manami pursed their lips. No calling Miyahara to handle bureaucracy. They dropped it with their unraveling hands. The witch's spells were burning through their glamour, tearing apart skin as much as it kept them bound below.
"I can't have you ruining things up here just yet!" Right as they'd come upon finding that mess of paperwork. "Mind taking a nap for a few more years?"
Arms and legs and eyes and knives.
Their flesh was prickled armor, breathing upon itself, flickering pupils beneath every new gap. It was light and dozens more fingers, legs, their head spinning out till it was little more than a wheel.
Normally they'd take her up on that offer. But Manami was a little tired of sleeping in.
There were options. A dozen. Finding any number of demons below. There were ways of charming answers out of people, and more for tearing them out. It wasn't often that heralds got stuck anywhere. For good reason, burning wildly out of control.
And of course, Teshima was - they laughed. It wasn't like they hadn't warned him about witches. How much more he'd blame on their presence, and the rivers were boiling.
Except.
There was a little blue dot in the distance.
"I hate that thing."
A tiny demon, wearing fake toy horns, peeked out from behind a rock.
"Every time I stick out my head, this big bug starts clawing at my head." It sniffled. "Every time I tell the boss, he tells me that there's no bug guarding any entry down here. All that paperwork says so."
Manami blinked.
"Hey!"
Miserable fool-hardy decisions.
The sort that only someone who wanted to suffer would make.
"Plan on getting out of here any time soon?" Teshima's feet were halfway through the portal, awkwardly hanging on with one hand. "It's not as fun as you might think to shove your head down a possum's mouth, and I'd rather not have to lose my other arm so quickly."
---
"A protected species."
"Yeah," Manami said. "I can't do the paperwork without killing it, and killing it is super illegal, rep. I know you'd hate me to break that rule."
"It's endangered," she said, deadpan and disbelieving.
"The only one of its kind! I'm shocked too."
"How did this happen, again?"
"Witches," Manami said.
"Of course. I guess. I'll start on new paperwork," she muttered.
"Sorry," they said. "Can't you get someone else to do it? I know a few people who might owe a favor."
"Send them up. Anything would help at this point."
Manami hung up, content for the moment. Kanzaki seemed to know some good people. Even if she wasn't very interested in helping along the end of the world, she'd probably get along with Miyahara. To a degree.
Teshima was still leaning over their shoulder, glancing from the phone, to them. They hadn't managed to find his proper arm yet, roving possum a little more difficult to track down than the living monster of paperwork, but he'd found another one floating around. He was lucky that way.
"So it's on hold."
"Yeah," Manami said. "Too bad, huh?"
"Got my hopes up for nothing," he muttered.
Witches had a way of mucking up the system. And normal people too, they supposed. Manami wasn't very good with being an angel. They were a little too attached to Earth for that.
"Don't worry! Just a few hundred more years, and we'll be out the door before you know it." They grinned. "Maybe you can finally pay off the mortgage on that house and get the deed? Might be a little tight, though."
Teshima snorted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"My pleasure."
"Do you think Kanzaki could magic my guts out of the papers?"
"I think the papers already merged with them. Who could have figured you had a compatible blood type with them? Quite the achievement, Teshima."
He ground his one working hand into his face. "You know me. Over achiever."
"We could always fashion some new ones for you. There are all kinds of witches in the world. Oh, you could even use bicycle framing for a new system! And if you'd like, I could hold onto your ribs while you clean yourself up!"
Genuine as they were, he still stared. "Good idea." Genuine as he was, they still raised an eyebrow. Teshima faked something like a laugh. "I'll figure it out later. Got a few years, after all. It isn't like you'll be out any time soon." They jumped three meters when he jabbed them in the gut. "Long as you keep your word anyway."
Mouth covered, Manami hovered there, and smiled from behind their hands. "As much as you do."