Ship: Matsukawa Issei/Hanamaki Takahiro Fandom: Haikyuu!! Major Tags: None Other Tags: Angst (Unhappy/Unresolved Endings) Word Count: 445
***
Issei groans as he turns over and buries his face in the pillow. The dream he’s woken up from is a recurring one, one he can’t quite get away from. He tries not to sob as the memory continues even as he wakes, but he’s not very successful. He never is. Even years after the fact, he still hurts, still feels every broken moment deep in his heart. After all this time he’s sure that it’s never going to go away, sure that ‘time heals all wounds’ is just something that people try to tell themselves so they’ll feel better, nothing more than a simple lie.
He can hear a noise from the kitchen, and he knows it’s only Hanamaki, taking advantage of Issei’s fancy coffeemaker, even though he has a decent one in his own bedroom across the hall. The domesticity makes him feel worse, makes him press closer to the wall to hide, even though he knows that Hanamaki won’t find him this way. More hurtful than the thought of Hanamaki finding him in tears is knowing that they’re not quite close enough anymore to be in each others’ space all the time, like they used to be. No longer close enough to wander into the other’s room for no reason at all.
As his brain replays all the times like this that he’d comforted Hanamaki, he pulls the blanket up over his head and wishes he had the guts to do something. To ask Hanamaki to find somewhere else to live, to ask him what Issei should’ve done differently to get back the love he gave. To ask if Hanamaki ever loved him at all, like he’d said he did, once upon a time, while tears soaked into the shoulder of Issei’s shirt. Wishes he wasn’t too scared to leave himself.
He wonders if it would hurt more if they never saw each other. Wonders if it’s even possible for it to hurt more than it already does. He gets to see Hanamaki every day, after all, even if they aren’t together anymore. They’re still friends, still have some semblance of a relationship, and Issei doesn’t want to give that up. It’s hard, though, when it seems like Hanamaki does. When it seems like each day they only drift further and further apart, though they still share the same space, the same air, just as they always have.
Through the blanket he can hear Hanamaki leave the apartment, and Issei wants to yell, wants to beg him to come back, to fix what they used to have, or to destroy it entirely and set him free.
FILL: TEAM BOKUTO KOUTAROU/KUROO TETSUROU, G
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Major Tags: None
Other Tags: Angst (Unhappy/Unresolved Endings)
Word Count: 445
***
Issei groans as he turns over and buries his face in the pillow. The dream he’s woken up from is a recurring one, one he can’t quite get away from. He tries not to sob as the memory continues even as he wakes, but he’s not very successful. He never is. Even years after the fact, he still hurts, still feels every broken moment deep in his heart. After all this time he’s sure that it’s never going to go away, sure that ‘time heals all wounds’ is just something that people try to tell themselves so they’ll feel better, nothing more than a simple lie.
He can hear a noise from the kitchen, and he knows it’s only Hanamaki, taking advantage of Issei’s fancy coffeemaker, even though he has a decent one in his own bedroom across the hall. The domesticity makes him feel worse, makes him press closer to the wall to hide, even though he knows that Hanamaki won’t find him this way. More hurtful than the thought of Hanamaki finding him in tears is knowing that they’re not quite close enough anymore to be in each others’ space all the time, like they used to be. No longer close enough to wander into the other’s room for no reason at all.
As his brain replays all the times like this that he’d comforted Hanamaki, he pulls the blanket up over his head and wishes he had the guts to do something. To ask Hanamaki to find somewhere else to live, to ask him what Issei should’ve done differently to get back the love he gave. To ask if Hanamaki ever loved him at all, like he’d said he did, once upon a time, while tears soaked into the shoulder of Issei’s shirt. Wishes he wasn’t too scared to leave himself.
He wonders if it would hurt more if they never saw each other. Wonders if it’s even possible for it to hurt more than it already does. He gets to see Hanamaki every day, after all, even if they aren’t together anymore. They’re still friends, still have some semblance of a relationship, and Issei doesn’t want to give that up. It’s hard, though, when it seems like Hanamaki does. When it seems like each day they only drift further and further apart, though they still share the same space, the same air, just as they always have.
Through the blanket he can hear Hanamaki leave the apartment, and Issei wants to yell, wants to beg him to come back, to fix what they used to have, or to destroy it entirely and set him free.
He’s not sure which is better.