Ship: Kasamatsu Yukio/Kise Ryouta Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke Major Tags: None Other Tags: exes Word Count: 456
***
All Ryouta needs to do is shut his eyes, and he can play this whole thing out in his head, from beginning to end. It's like a film, he thinks to himself. One that he's watched so many times that he knows how it goes, back to front, but can't help but watch again anyway, hoping that maybe this time, things won't end the same way. Maybe this time, it won't be a fucking tragedy and he can finally get the resolution he needs.
Except he knows that's not how it goes. His memory's too good for that, every conversation they've ever had written into the back of his mind, for better or worse. He remembers how good it was at the beginning, remembers the rush of being wanted, remembers the way it felt to be so entwined with Yukio that nothing else in the world even mattered.
He remembers the warning signs, just like he remembers ignoring them. He remembers the way Yukio slowly became more distant, instead of a constant presence by his side.
Blinking his eyes open, Ryouta wishes that he could just stop there. If it was a film, he'd end it there. He'd edit it, give it a different ending. A better one, he thinks to himself.
The ending where he talked to Yukio, instead of just letting everything fester. The one where he said just how much he loved Yukio, how much he wanted to hold onto this, no matter how difficult it might be.
Except that he knows it's not real, it's not even realistic, and that's just a bitter truth that he's going to have to swallow, making him suffer on its way down. It's not something they would have done, not something they could have done and in the end, Ryouta can't deny it.
He could just cut out all the bad memories instead, making something significantly shorter but happier. He discards the thought, the way he won't discard the memories. It isn't going to make anything better. In the end, everything's just going to hurt that little bit more when it doesn't line up with reality.
"Ryouta," Yukio greets quietly, pulling him out of his thoughts. He takes the seat opposite Ryouta, arms folded on the table, and looks at him, properly looks at him, giving Ryouta all the attention that he asked for without knowing how to deal with it. "You said you wanted to talk?"
"Yeah," Ryouta replies, unsticking his throat. "I just… wanted to talk things out, Yukio. Can we do that?"
He hasn't imagined how this conversation is going to go, but when Yukio nods with a cautious smile, it doesn't matter anyway. Sometimes, experiencing the real thing is all he needs.
FILL: TEAM KAGEYAMA TOBIO/OIKAWA TOORU, G
Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke
Major Tags: None
Other Tags: exes
Word Count: 456
***
All Ryouta needs to do is shut his eyes, and he can play this whole thing out in his head, from beginning to end. It's like a film, he thinks to himself. One that he's watched so many times that he knows how it goes, back to front, but can't help but watch again anyway, hoping that maybe this time, things won't end the same way. Maybe this time, it won't be a fucking tragedy and he can finally get the resolution he needs.
Except he knows that's not how it goes. His memory's too good for that, every conversation they've ever had written into the back of his mind, for better or worse. He remembers how good it was at the beginning, remembers the rush of being wanted, remembers the way it felt to be so entwined with Yukio that nothing else in the world even mattered.
He remembers the warning signs, just like he remembers ignoring them. He remembers the way Yukio slowly became more distant, instead of a constant presence by his side.
Blinking his eyes open, Ryouta wishes that he could just stop there. If it was a film, he'd end it there. He'd edit it, give it a different ending. A better one, he thinks to himself.
The ending where he talked to Yukio, instead of just letting everything fester. The one where he said just how much he loved Yukio, how much he wanted to hold onto this, no matter how difficult it might be.
Except that he knows it's not real, it's not even realistic, and that's just a bitter truth that he's going to have to swallow, making him suffer on its way down. It's not something they would have done, not something they could have done and in the end, Ryouta can't deny it.
He could just cut out all the bad memories instead, making something significantly shorter but happier. He discards the thought, the way he won't discard the memories. It isn't going to make anything better. In the end, everything's just going to hurt that little bit more when it doesn't line up with reality.
"Ryouta," Yukio greets quietly, pulling him out of his thoughts. He takes the seat opposite Ryouta, arms folded on the table, and looks at him, properly looks at him, giving Ryouta all the attention that he asked for without knowing how to deal with it. "You said you wanted to talk?"
"Yeah," Ryouta replies, unsticking his throat. "I just… wanted to talk things out, Yukio. Can we do that?"
He hasn't imagined how this conversation is going to go, but when Yukio nods with a cautious smile, it doesn't matter anyway. Sometimes, experiencing the real thing is all he needs.