Yamaguchi Tadashi has several fears in life. The fear of European wasps. The fear of sitting on thumb tacks. The fear that his acne scars will never fade and that he will never be considered attractive by anyone in the world and that all the girls in his classes will only ever approach him to ask questions about Tsukki.
It's not that he cares for the girls, particularly—Yamaguchi doesn't crave their explicit attention. What he does want, though, is just a little confirmation that his existence isn't completely repulsive. That, when he's standing next to Tsukishima Kei (who is quietly radiant from the inside out as if with some midnight sorcery), he isn't being more of an embarrassment than strictly necessary. He doesn't think he is. Tsukishima is pretty good at avoiding people he isn't okay with, after all, but. But Yamaguchi is the one who attached himself to Tsukishima of his own accord in the first place, straight out of stubborn free will, and gave him a stupid nickname, and—
Of all the fears in his life, only two are in the major almost crippling category:
1) Being left behind.
2) Being the one to hold Tsukishima Kei back.
Their somewhat contradictory nature only increases the pressure inside his head.
In any given category, Yamaguchi is simply not as good as Tsukishima is (Volleyball. School. Analysis. Height. Looks. Smackdowns) with maybe the marked exceptions of sheer tenacity and utter desperation. But that makes him pretty ordinary. Pretty uncool. Tsukishima can do so many things that Yamaguchi can only dream about, and—
There's a thought that's been going through Yamaguchi's head for what feels like years.
I want to support you.
It's probably pretty pathetic (scratch that, it's definitely a hundred percent unbridled pathetic), but Yamaguchi's actually all for the idea that if he ever incredibly, miraculously somehow came to live with Tsukishima one day, he wouldn't mind taking care of all the little things—all the menial jobs like the dishwashing and the floor mopping and the food buying—so that Tsukishima would be able to focus solely on the bigger and better, greater things Yamaguchi knew he was capable of. (That Yamaguchi couldn't do. He can make a mean scrambled egg though.)
It's just that...
Over the years Tsukishima has helped Yamaguchi out more than he knows, more than Yamaguchi can put into words. Just by existing. Just by having spoken up that one time, and continuing to exist in Yamaguchi's vicinity...
If not for him, Yamaguchi could very well have still been some snot-faced bully's lackey, sitting on the floor with tears in his eyes. Pathetic. If not for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi would definitely never have started volleyball, would never have known the pressure and responsibility of a pinch serve, or risen to the challenge, would possibly never even have tried...
Just by existing, just by being there, Tsukishima has given Yamaguchi's life an entirely different kind of purpose, and Yamaguchi—
I want to lend a helping hand. As many times as I can.
Give and take, right?
But what does he even have that Tsukishima would ever want?
Tsukishima Kei is a guy who's going places—like, doctorate-level kind of places. And Yamaguchi doesn't know what he can offer a guy like that. He wants nothing more than to hang on for the ride, but—
"Um, hey. Tsukki...?"
Tsukishima glances over. "What?"
What universities are you applying to? Do you think I'd be able to get into them too? Are you going to move to Tokyo when you graduate? Would you mind if I came with you? Do you wanna move in together? I'll do all the laundry, I swear! And the ironing, too! I think I might love you, a little bit, o-or a lot, is that... is that okay...?
He doesn't really think saying any of that would be okay.
Yamaguchi swallows the lump in his throat at the memory of Tsukishima's curled lip and his just one word, acid toned: "Pathetic."
Hearing that again—Yamaguchi doesn't think that he could.
So he swallows his words and his hope, plastering on his brightest and most irritating smile. "Let's get some pork buns from Coach's mom on the way home!"
"Okay," Tsukishima says blandly, adjusting the headphones around his neck, and Yamaguchi swallows another bubble back down into his heart. A bubble that breaks.
Time is ticking. Final exams are on the way. Tsukishima is going to do his best, and Yamaguchi will do all he can too, but if their all doesn't turn out to be equal, then—
Yamaguchi's heart closes over a staid kind of determination.
If I can't go with you, the least I want is to make you never forget me—
FILL: TEAM YOWAMUSHI PEDAL, G
Yamaguchi Tadashi has several fears in life. The fear of European wasps. The fear of sitting on thumb tacks. The fear that his acne scars will never fade and that he will never be considered attractive by anyone in the world and that all the girls in his classes will only ever approach him to ask questions about Tsukki.
It's not that he cares for the girls, particularly—Yamaguchi doesn't crave their explicit attention. What he does want, though, is just a little confirmation that his existence isn't completely repulsive. That, when he's standing next to Tsukishima Kei (who is quietly radiant from the inside out as if with some midnight sorcery), he isn't being more of an embarrassment than strictly necessary. He doesn't think he is. Tsukishima is pretty good at avoiding people he isn't okay with, after all, but. But Yamaguchi is the one who attached himself to Tsukishima of his own accord in the first place, straight out of stubborn free will, and gave him a stupid nickname, and—
Of all the fears in his life, only two are in the major almost crippling category:
1) Being left behind.
2) Being the one to hold Tsukishima Kei back.
Their somewhat contradictory nature only increases the pressure inside his head.
In any given category, Yamaguchi is simply not as good as Tsukishima is (Volleyball. School. Analysis. Height. Looks. Smackdowns) with maybe the marked exceptions of sheer tenacity and utter desperation. But that makes him pretty ordinary. Pretty uncool. Tsukishima can do so many things that Yamaguchi can only dream about, and—
There's a thought that's been going through Yamaguchi's head for what feels like years.
I want to support you.
It's probably pretty pathetic (scratch that, it's definitely a hundred percent unbridled pathetic), but Yamaguchi's actually all for the idea that if he ever incredibly, miraculously somehow came to live with Tsukishima one day, he wouldn't mind taking care of all the little things—all the menial jobs like the dishwashing and the floor mopping and the food buying—so that Tsukishima would be able to focus solely on the bigger and better, greater things Yamaguchi knew he was capable of. (That Yamaguchi couldn't do. He can make a mean scrambled egg though.)
It's just that...
Over the years Tsukishima has helped Yamaguchi out more than he knows, more than Yamaguchi can put into words. Just by existing. Just by having spoken up that one time, and continuing to exist in Yamaguchi's vicinity...
If not for him, Yamaguchi could very well have still been some snot-faced bully's lackey, sitting on the floor with tears in his eyes. Pathetic. If not for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi would definitely never have started volleyball, would never have known the pressure and responsibility of a pinch serve, or risen to the challenge, would possibly never even have tried...
Just by existing, just by being there, Tsukishima has given Yamaguchi's life an entirely different kind of purpose, and Yamaguchi—
I want to lend a helping hand. As many times as I can.
Give and take, right?
But what does he even have that Tsukishima would ever want?
Tsukishima Kei is a guy who's going places—like, doctorate-level kind of places. And Yamaguchi doesn't know what he can offer a guy like that. He wants nothing more than to hang on for the ride, but—
"Um, hey. Tsukki...?"
Tsukishima glances over. "What?"
What universities are you applying to? Do you think I'd be able to get into them too? Are you going to move to Tokyo when you graduate? Would you mind if I came with you? Do you wanna move in together? I'll do all the laundry, I swear! And the ironing, too! I think I might love you, a little bit, o-or a lot, is that... is that okay...?
He doesn't really think saying any of that would be okay.
Yamaguchi swallows the lump in his throat at the memory of Tsukishima's curled lip and his just one word, acid toned: "Pathetic."
Hearing that again—Yamaguchi doesn't think that he could.
So he swallows his words and his hope, plastering on his brightest and most irritating smile. "Let's get some pork buns from Coach's mom on the way home!"
"Okay," Tsukishima says blandly, adjusting the headphones around his neck, and Yamaguchi swallows another bubble back down into his heart. A bubble that breaks.
Time is ticking. Final exams are on the way. Tsukishima is going to do his best, and Yamaguchi will do all he can too, but if their all doesn't turn out to be equal, then—
Yamaguchi's heart closes over a staid kind of determination.
If I can't go with you, the least I want is to make you never forget me—
And make you wish I was there.