no content warnings except thsi is just total crack im sorry, 500 wc.
Akiteru and Kei have their backs pressed against the wall of their living room, standing as far away as possible from a tall young man with an ugly hat on his head.
"He has whiskers," Akiteru stage whispers to Kei.
"They're drawn on," Kei retorts a notch quieter.
"Why hello there, I see you're afraid. It's raining outside so I hope you don't mind if I stay!"
"We mind," Kei says very quickly. "We mind a lot, actually. How'd you get into our house?"
The young man with the hat clears his throat. "Can you, uh," he says a little quieter, "slow down a little? It's hard to think of these rhymes and your parents are paying me a lot to babysit so—"
"Who are you?" Akiteru demands, completely ignoring the cat-imposter's quiet pleas.
"Uh," the young man says, looking at some indistinct scrawls on his hand. "It appears you're worried, and I understand! But I'm new to this job, so please give me a hand!"
"That didn't answer our questions," Kei says very point-blank.
It is very clear to both of the brothers that their parents still cannot trust twelve-year-old Akiteru to take care of Kei while they're out. While this is offensive on many counts, it only makes for amusement on rainy days when disgruntled babysitters tumble in wearing terrible costumes to try and appeal to children who act much older than they are.
"You're not even a cat," Kei says, pointing at the young man's crude... whiskers.
"Okay, time out," the young man says, holding both hands in the air. "Let me start again. Hey, hi, my name's Kuroo. I'm your babysitter for today and I look forward to watching over you guys so please do not talk so quickly because listen, uh, I'm in the drama department at my school and I'm getting into character and rhymes are har—"
"Should we call the police, Kei?" Akiteru asks worriedly from the side.
Kei frowns. "What's the police going to do? Call the President of Japan."
Kuroo screams inaudibly. He'd been almost certain that kids loved the Cat in the Hat and rhyming didn't seem like too much of a challenge when he'd initially decided on it as his role of the day. He's starting to think Bokuto and Akaashi set him up for inevitable failure though, considering Akiteru and Kei are negative five hundred percent interested in what cool rhymes Kuroo hasn't been able to say out loud yet.
"Guys," Kuroo says weakly.
"We could lock him outside?" Akiteru suggests.
"We can't lock him out now," Kei replies with a huff. "He heard us."
"Guys," Kuroo says again, weaker still.
"Here, let me call the police for now then..." Akiteru says.
Kei looks at Kuroo, stares at him, scrutinizes him. "Do you think the police will try him as a person or as a cat?"
Kuroo sighs quietly and flops over onto the couch in the living room, staring up at the ceiling as though seeking holy introspection.
"Hello, dear god? Are you listening up there? I'm trying to make extra money but don't you think this is a little unfair?"
FILL: TEAM IWAIZUMI HAJIME/OIKAWA TOORU, G
Akiteru and Kei have their backs pressed against the wall of their living room, standing as far away as possible from a tall young man with an ugly hat on his head.
"He has whiskers," Akiteru stage whispers to Kei.
"They're drawn on," Kei retorts a notch quieter.
"Why hello there, I see you're afraid. It's raining outside so I hope you don't mind if I stay!"
"We mind," Kei says very quickly. "We mind a lot, actually. How'd you get into our house?"
The young man with the hat clears his throat. "Can you, uh," he says a little quieter, "slow down a little? It's hard to think of these rhymes and your parents are paying me a lot to babysit so—"
"Who are you?" Akiteru demands, completely ignoring the cat-imposter's quiet pleas.
"Uh," the young man says, looking at some indistinct scrawls on his hand. "It appears you're worried, and I understand! But I'm new to this job, so please give me a hand!"
"That didn't answer our questions," Kei says very point-blank.
It is very clear to both of the brothers that their parents still cannot trust twelve-year-old Akiteru to take care of Kei while they're out. While this is offensive on many counts, it only makes for amusement on rainy days when disgruntled babysitters tumble in wearing terrible costumes to try and appeal to children who act much older than they are.
"You're not even a cat," Kei says, pointing at the young man's crude... whiskers.
"Okay, time out," the young man says, holding both hands in the air. "Let me start again. Hey, hi, my name's Kuroo. I'm your babysitter for today and I look forward to watching over you guys so please do not talk so quickly because listen, uh, I'm in the drama department at my school and I'm getting into character and rhymes are har—"
"Should we call the police, Kei?" Akiteru asks worriedly from the side.
Kei frowns. "What's the police going to do? Call the President of Japan."
Kuroo screams inaudibly. He'd been almost certain that kids loved the Cat in the Hat and rhyming didn't seem like too much of a challenge when he'd initially decided on it as his role of the day. He's starting to think Bokuto and Akaashi set him up for inevitable failure though, considering Akiteru and Kei are negative five hundred percent interested in what cool rhymes Kuroo hasn't been able to say out loud yet.
"Guys," Kuroo says weakly.
"We could lock him outside?" Akiteru suggests.
"We can't lock him out now," Kei replies with a huff. "He heard us."
"Guys," Kuroo says again, weaker still.
"Here, let me call the police for now then..." Akiteru says.
Kei looks at Kuroo, stares at him, scrutinizes him. "Do you think the police will try him as a person or as a cat?"
Kuroo sighs quietly and flops over onto the couch in the living room, staring up at the ceiling as though seeking holy introspection.
"Hello, dear god? Are you listening up there? I'm trying to make extra money but don't you think this is a little unfair?"