Yamaguchi sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. The shower water ran hot and steamed against his skin. He wondered if his face was even visibly more red anymore, if anyone would be able to tell he’d been crying. It was stupid, he shouldn’t have been crying anyway, just a misunderstanding but it seemed everytime he was struck with confrontation his eyes welled up and he couldn’t control it.
Hinata had told him it was all Tsukki’s fault and Yamaguchi had the absurd desire to defend him, though Hinata was probably right about everything. Sure, Tsukishima had said it, he told him, once and for all that he wouldn’t be able to do what he’d been fighting for since first year: to play well enough to play in university with him. It was petty, childish, and Tsukki would need to apologize before he would forgive him, but he knew already that he would.
He turned off the water and stood for a few seconds, letting it run down his body as the air around him cooled. He needed to call him.
After drying off and throwing on comfortable clothes Yamaguchi laid down on his bed and held his phone in front of him, propped up on his chest. The number was right there, a number texted and called dozens of times per week, why did this time feel harder? Tsukki was cold, he said hurtful things sometimes, but he didn’t do it on purpose, or Yamaguchi told himself it wasn’t on purpose, why should this time feel different?
He wondered if it felt different, this time, because he truly knew how he felt. Admitting the feelings, the budding confusing romantic feelings had taken years, and even then he’d just begun to explore them. Does it hurt more, feel more real, because I know I love him?
His phone vibrated, a text message, shocking him so badly he almost dropped it. It was Tsukki.
[Hey]
[Hi.] He texted back, his fingers shook slightly.
[Are you mad?]
Was he still mad? No, he wasn’t, but that didn’t mean everything felt good.
[Not mad.] He replied.
[Then what]
They texted a lot, and long ago Tsukki had learned to read between the lines, to see the words Yamaguchi wasn’t saying, this time was no different. He didn’t know how to put it into words, the weird longing frustration combined with what felt like disappointment. That’s what it was, he was disappointed that Tsukki didn’t believe in him the way he’d fought to believe in himself.
[Did you really mean that?] He asked instead, hoping and praying he’d get a ‘no’.
[Yes.] His heart sank. [But I was wrong.]
[Yes you were. I can do this. It...hurts that you don’t believe in me.]
The silence between messages felt like ages until Tsukki finally replied.
[Can I call you?]
Instead of answering Yamaguchi hit the call button and listened for the ring. It rang once before he heard Tsukki’s quiet voice on the other end.
“Hi.”
“You wanted to talk?” Yamaguchi tried to keep his voice stern, unemotional, so as not to betray the fact that he’d already mostly forgiven him.
“It’s not that I don’t believe in you, I just don’t think that should be your dream. You shouldn’t want to stay with me, to play volleyball, you’re better than this.”
“What?” That hadn’t been what he was expecting to hear in the slightest.
“You deserve better.”
“There’s no better than being with you.” The words were out before he could stop himself and he clapped a hand to his mouth in shock and surprise. He could hear Tsukki breathing on the other end of the line, but he didn’t speak at first.
“Do you mean that..? Because…”
“Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I’m not wrong, it’s just how I feel.” The words were out there, he couldn’t take them back now.
“Okay. I’ll trust you. I trust you.”
“I trust you too, Tsukki.”
He found himself smiling. It wasn’t a confession, not strictly speaking, but it was something. And Tsukki trusted him, that somehow felt like more than enough.
FILL Team: Nishinoya Yuu/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Rated: G
711 words
Yamaguchi sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. The shower water ran hot and steamed against his skin. He wondered if his face was even visibly more red anymore, if anyone would be able to tell he’d been crying. It was stupid, he shouldn’t have been crying anyway, just a misunderstanding but it seemed everytime he was struck with confrontation his eyes welled up and he couldn’t control it.
Hinata had told him it was all Tsukki’s fault and Yamaguchi had the absurd desire to defend him, though Hinata was probably right about everything. Sure, Tsukishima had said it, he told him, once and for all that he wouldn’t be able to do what he’d been fighting for since first year: to play well enough to play in university with him. It was petty, childish, and Tsukki would need to apologize before he would forgive him, but he knew already that he would.
He turned off the water and stood for a few seconds, letting it run down his body as the air around him cooled. He needed to call him.
After drying off and throwing on comfortable clothes Yamaguchi laid down on his bed and held his phone in front of him, propped up on his chest. The number was right there, a number texted and called dozens of times per week, why did this time feel harder? Tsukki was cold, he said hurtful things sometimes, but he didn’t do it on purpose, or Yamaguchi told himself it wasn’t on purpose, why should this time feel different?
He wondered if it felt different, this time, because he truly knew how he felt. Admitting the feelings, the budding confusing romantic feelings had taken years, and even then he’d just begun to explore them. Does it hurt more, feel more real, because I know I love him?
His phone vibrated, a text message, shocking him so badly he almost dropped it. It was Tsukki.
[Hey]
[Hi.] He texted back, his fingers shook slightly.
[Are you mad?]
Was he still mad? No, he wasn’t, but that didn’t mean everything felt good.
[Not mad.] He replied.
[Then what]
They texted a lot, and long ago Tsukki had learned to read between the lines, to see the words Yamaguchi wasn’t saying, this time was no different. He didn’t know how to put it into words, the weird longing frustration combined with what felt like disappointment. That’s what it was, he was disappointed that Tsukki didn’t believe in him the way he’d fought to believe in himself.
[Did you really mean that?] He asked instead, hoping and praying he’d get a ‘no’.
[Yes.] His heart sank.
[But I was wrong.]
[Yes you were. I can do this. It...hurts that you don’t believe in me.]
The silence between messages felt like ages until Tsukki finally replied.
[Can I call you?]
Instead of answering Yamaguchi hit the call button and listened for the ring. It rang once before he heard Tsukki’s quiet voice on the other end.
“Hi.”
“You wanted to talk?” Yamaguchi tried to keep his voice stern, unemotional, so as not to betray the fact that he’d already mostly forgiven him.
“It’s not that I don’t believe in you, I just don’t think that should be your dream. You shouldn’t want to stay with me, to play volleyball, you’re better than this.”
“What?” That hadn’t been what he was expecting to hear in the slightest.
“You deserve better.”
“There’s no better than being with you.” The words were out before he could stop himself and he clapped a hand to his mouth in shock and surprise. He could hear Tsukki breathing on the other end of the line, but he didn’t speak at first.
“Do you mean that..? Because…”
“Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I’m not wrong, it’s just how I feel.” The words were out there, he couldn’t take them back now.
“Okay. I’ll trust you. I trust you.”
“I trust you too, Tsukki.”
He found himself smiling. It wasn’t a confession, not strictly speaking, but it was something. And Tsukki trusted him, that somehow felt like more than enough.